Stress On Disabled Famlies

The birth of a child with a disability, or the discovery that a child has a disability, can produce stress among family members. Stress can also be caused by a number of ongoing factors, or by special circumstances. Siblings need an explanation for the tensions within the family and the cause of the tensions.

Some families are stressed by the amount of financial resources required to meet the needs of the child who has a disability. Some parents may expect nondisabled siblings to accept the brother or sister with a disability as "normal." This expectation can lead to internalized feelings of anxiety and jealousy which the nondisabled sibling may be reluctant to voice. The parents, in turn, may fail to recognize the child's unhappiness and may deny that a problem exists.

Nondisabled siblings may feel obligated to compensate for the child with the disability, to make up for that child's limitations. They may be acting as a surrogate parent, assuming more responsibility than would be usual in the care of a nondisabled sibling. On the other hand, siblings may help the family by providing their parents with assistance and support, which they otherwise might not have, in the care of the child with a disability. The nondisabled child may experience jealousy because he or she may be required to do family chores, whereas, the sibling with a disability is not required to do them -- despite the fact that the sibling with a disability may be unable to do them, or would have great difficulty doing them. The nondisabled sibling may resent having to integrate the sibling with a disability into the neighborhood peer group, and may experience or perceive peer rejection because of having a sibling with a disability. Finally, the nondisabled sibling may feel embarrassment because of a sibling physical characteristics or inappropriate behavior. Essentially, parents, other adult family members, and professionals should realize that nondisabled siblings need special understanding, attention, support and recognition of their unique contributions to the family system .

Siblings with disabilities, on the other hand, also experience stress as family members. These common stresses include frustration at not being able to make themselves understood; unhappiness at being left to play alone; irritation over constant reminders about everything; withdrawal because of lack of social skills; low self-esteem; and anger resulting from an inability to do things as easily and quickly as their nondisabled brothers and sisters. Through it all, with understanding and support, there are usually many positive interactions and normal sibling give-and-take situations from which each learns and matures.

When parents have a double standard for disabled and nondisabled children, conflicts can arise. Even though the child with the disability, in fact, may need and receive more parental attention, the amount given may be perceived as unfair by nondisabled siblings. Some parents, on the other hand, may tend to overindulge the normal sibling in an effort to compensate for a brother or sister with a disability. The normal rivalry between all siblings may cause the nondisabled sibling to perceive incorrectly that the parents favor or love best the sibling with a disability.

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