Children Are Open To Disabilities

Children have open minds and open hearts. There is no better time to create an understanding that people with disabilities must be perceived as people first.

o    Listen to the child.

o    Let the child voice fears and ask questions.

o    View the situation from the child's perspective.

o    Be truthful, keeping your answers age-appropriate.

o    Explain disability at the level the child can understand.

o    Satisfy a child's curiosity. Let the child sit in a wheelchair, for example.

o    Stress the positive. For example, use of a wheelchair enhances mobility.

o    Remember that children take upon themselves unnecessary responsibility for situations.

o    Stress family loyalty and unity.

o    Spend extra time with children.

o    Encourage children to help make your home more accessible.

o    Remind children that everything changes, except the loved shared within the family.

Tips

·  Counseling and support groups for the disabled person and for the family can be helpful.

·  Nondisabled children learn lessons in courage, pride, perseverance and loyalty from disabled family members.

·  Understand that a disabling injury or illness requires a grieving process. The family will pass through stages of anger, denial, depression and acceptance.

·  Understand the child may feel resentment. Help him work through it rather than reacting angrily.


"Don't allow your disABILITY to shut you out of life; your request for Access has been Granted"

Be on the lookout for my new highly anticipated book; “Don’t Let the 4 Wheels F.O.O.L. You”!!! If you have ever felt as though society has counted you out! You won’t want to miss this inspirational road map to success!

Stress On Disabled Famlies

The birth of a child with a disability, or the discovery that a child has a disability, can produce stress among family members. Stress can also be caused by a number of ongoing factors, or by special circumstances. Siblings need an explanation for the tensions within the family and the cause of the tensions.

Some families are stressed by the amount of financial resources required to meet the needs of the child who has a disability. Some parents may expect nondisabled siblings to accept the brother or sister with a disability as "normal." This expectation can lead to internalized feelings of anxiety and jealousy which the nondisabled sibling may be reluctant to voice. The parents, in turn, may fail to recognize the child's unhappiness and may deny that a problem exists.

Nondisabled siblings may feel obligated to compensate for the child with the disability, to make up for that child's limitations. They may be acting as a surrogate parent, assuming more responsibility than would be usual in the care of a nondisabled sibling. On the other hand, siblings may help the family by providing their parents with assistance and support, which they otherwise might not have, in the care of the child with a disability. The nondisabled child may experience jealousy because he or she may be required to do family chores, whereas, the sibling with a disability is not required to do them -- despite the fact that the sibling with a disability may be unable to do them, or would have great difficulty doing them. The nondisabled sibling may resent having to integrate the sibling with a disability into the neighborhood peer group, and may experience or perceive peer rejection because of having a sibling with a disability. Finally, the nondisabled sibling may feel embarrassment because of a sibling physical characteristics or inappropriate behavior. Essentially, parents, other adult family members, and professionals should realize that nondisabled siblings need special understanding, attention, support and recognition of their unique contributions to the family system .

Siblings with disabilities, on the other hand, also experience stress as family members. These common stresses include frustration at not being able to make themselves understood; unhappiness at being left to play alone; irritation over constant reminders about everything; withdrawal because of lack of social skills; low self-esteem; and anger resulting from an inability to do things as easily and quickly as their nondisabled brothers and sisters. Through it all, with understanding and support, there are usually many positive interactions and normal sibling give-and-take situations from which each learns and matures.

When parents have a double standard for disabled and nondisabled children, conflicts can arise. Even though the child with the disability, in fact, may need and receive more parental attention, the amount given may be perceived as unfair by nondisabled siblings. Some parents, on the other hand, may tend to overindulge the normal sibling in an effort to compensate for a brother or sister with a disability. The normal rivalry between all siblings may cause the nondisabled sibling to perceive incorrectly that the parents favor or love best the sibling with a disability.

"Don't allow your disABILITY to shut you out of life; your request for Access has been Granted"

Be on the lookout for my new highly anticipated book; “Don’t Let the 4 Wheels F.O.O.L. You”!!! If you have ever felt as though society has counted you out! You won’t want to miss this inspirational road map to success!

I Need Training!

When it comes to handicapped children or adults they're sometimes the same. An adult who is mentally challenged can have the mentality of a very small child. Or, the person can be child-like sometimes but able to behave as an adult in other situations. If you are the parent or care taker of a mentally challenged child, adult or adult-child you probably have your hands full on a good day! On a bad day, well, that can be more than a human being can bear! I speak from experience; the mentally handicapped can be the most loving people in the world one minute and your attacker the next! That may not be true of all mentally handicapped kids or adults. Some cannot speak, others can't walk, some just function below average for their ages.

You know the mentally challenged person in reference better than others. You know whether or not they get upset if you ask them to clean up or if they get angry when someone else plays with their toys. If the child is young, you have the opportunity to help mold his or her character and behavior, but if the person is grown you may be limited to how many changes you can make. If the person is someone really young, or someone you've just started helping, you may not know much - if anything - about the things they like or dislike.

We all get angry at times but it can help to walk away and cool down, talk to a friend, or just have an argument with a loved one or friend and get it off your chest. Mentally handicapped kids and adults can also get angry, or even have behavioral problems, but they often don't know how to express what they are feeling. When they do express their anger or upset it's sometimes in a way that we don't recognize as healthy. The children or adults can pout, hit, kick, throw things or even bite themselves! Have you ever seen an angry bull? The two can be similar in many ways!

As with most people who are angry it can take some time to calm down and rationalize it all. With a handicapped child or adult the same can be true. However, since they can't rationalize many things, the rage can continue for a long period of time. During an angry fit it's not unusual for a mentally challenged person to hurt themselves or someone else. Expect rooms to be wiped out and personal items destroyed - in many cases. How do you prevent all the chaos and commotion? Understanding your own loved one helps - you know what he or she likes or doesn't - but sometimes that's just not enough to prevent the person from throwing a fit out of anger.

There are some things you can do to prevent upset when it comes to your mentally handicapped child, adult or adult-child. Often, the handicapped child has grown to adult size but still has the mind of a child. Keeping this in mind when controlling and disciplining can be helpful. Remember that children often have to be told something more than once and they'll frequently try to get away with things that aren't permitted.

The biggest mistake you can make, when dealing with a handicapped child, is to give in to their fits. Never give them what they're screaming for, never take being hit or otherwise abused by the person and never, ever back down out of fear! If you are the care taker of such a person learn to deal with them in a positive way, when they are young, and you'll have much less trouble. Too late for that? There are still some things you can do to prevent and control anger issues.

No different than "normal" people, mentally challenged people have things that belong to them and they simply don't want to loan them out. Keep this in mind before helping yourself to their belongings. For many handicapped people it's a major issue if you touch their stuff! Let them have their own things which are theirs alone. Some of these children or adult-children have a photographic memory and can instantly tell if something is missing or has been moved around in their rooms. This can set off an angry fit that could last for hours! Respect their privacy and their belongings.

Most mentally challenged children can be reasoned with in some manner. If they can understand the presented concept they'll usually go along. There's no need for yelling, name-calling, physical abuse or other negative reactions. You'll generally find that rewards, rather than punishments, go further when trying to control anger and behavioral problems. A reward can be allowing the person to stay up past his or her bedtime to watch tv, or offering a special snack. Punishments can be anything from taking the remote control until the person does as told, or telling them they won't be having their dessert that night. If the punishment seems to upset the person more than normal perhaps you could think of a different punishment. You'll find that, after being around the mentally handicapped, they'll sometimes go off about one thing while accepting something else. They might scream and holler if you take their remote, for example, but they'll go along - albeit begrudgingly - with not being allowed to have their dessert.

No matter how careful you are to respect the mentally challenged child or adult-child he or she will, more than likely, lose their tempers at some point. If this happens you'll only fuel the fire if you become aggressive. Try to find out what's upsetting the person and make it right. That might mean not making him wear the shoes he doesn't like or putting something back where it usually belongs. It's okay to placate the person on occasion but don't allow it to get to the point where he or she controls your life.

The last thing you want to do while a mentally handicapped person is enraged is to lay your hands on him or her in any way. Simply grabbing them around the wrist to lead them to their rooms is all it might take to have them become violent towards you. Do not push, pull, or try to make the person sit down. Keep a calm voice - even if he or she is screaming - and tell them what you want them to do. Tell them they will lose their playtime, tell them they will lose their remote - or let them know of other punishments you're considering. Be firm but don't join them in screaming!

If there comes a time when you absolutely can't control your child or adult it could be time to consider a home where he or she can receive professional care. Many people live with secret pain and hide the fact that their mentally handicapped loved one is abusing them instead of the other way around. Don't live like this! Get help by calling your local Department of Social Services to find out about respite services or other assistance offered in your area.

"Don't allow your disABILITY to shut you out of life; your request for Access has been Granted"

Be on the lookout for my new highly anticipated book; “Don’t Let the 4 Wheels F.O.O.L. You”!!! If you have ever felt as though society has counted you out! You won’t want to miss this inspirational road map to success!